Personal Statements: Less is More

I read an article yesterday written by an intelligent college student at a highly ranked university. I had no problem with his message, to the extent I could decipher it, but his writing got my dander up.  Hence the following rant.

He writes, "I experienced a paradigm shift during…" That's not how you talk, and it certainly isn't what you want to read. He could simply say, "I changed my mind during…" Or if he felt that phrasing is a little casual, "I concluded X after…" Write as directly as you would talk (just can the slang.) Why should you write in a turgid, pretentious, pseudo-intellectual style?

Here's another example of tortured verbiage: "I was not sure with which denomination I would identify myself…" Could that be, "I was not sure where I belonged"?

Reading pieces like this online article is like listening to people speaking through an echo chamber. Although these passages did not appear in a personal statement, (and I won't link to the article to protect the guilty), they certainly could have. Similar verbal haze frequently clouds personal statements and application essays.

Remember, you all have page and word limits. Less is more. Furthermore, your essays are supposed to introduce you as an engaging human being, not a stuffed shirt, dissembling attorney, mealy-mouthed consultant, physician wannabe lacking warmth, or techie who can't talk.

If you want to appear articulate, write simply and directly.